Tuesday, April 30, 2013

a true gift

Each morning, as I reach for my Bible to study; and each evening, as I am reading a book to expand my mind, I am reminded of the beautiful gift given to me by my father. My Dad has four daughters and he has given this gift to each of us. It is the gift of intelligent thinking. You might be thinking that God has given us that gift - after all, He's the One who created our brain and intellect. But I am talking about the empowerment and inspiration to think. When I was young, a simple observation about something would lead to a discussion on why I felt that way. My Dad was always requiring his daughters to think about what we said and intelligently explain it and discuss it. Part of the reason he did this is because that is his personality - he enjoys analyzing things and questioning them. As we grew and began having opinions on what we read in the Bible, it was obvious he expected us to live purposefully and develop our own convictions for what we believed. He was not content for us to just do "the right thing," but we needed to understand what we were doing and why. The gift that he (maybe unknowingly) gave us in all this was the gift of believing that our ideas and thoughts were valid and valued. I don't know many other 14 - 16 year old girls at that time who were having deep discussions about the Bible and life with their fathers. He didn't just let us talk; he listened and asked questions, genuinely involved in the conversation. He held us accountable to our beliefs, too. It was far worse, in our house, to just act without thinking about something than to choose something that opposed my Dad's views. I love that!

The reason I have been so appreciating this gift lately is because of an info session I went to recently with my sister. It was titled, "Raising Preteens in a Sexualized Culture." It was very informative and provoked a lot of thought about the messages that are being sent to our children every day on billboards, tv screens, and toys. One of the messages that I feel is most damaging to young girls is this idea that being sexy trumps everything. You can do anything you  put your mind to, but if you can do it while being sexy, that's better. And the message deteriorates into promoting the idea that being sexy is the goal in life. Young girls are encouraged to aspire to be good at shopping and make-up. If this is what our culture is telling our daughters they can aspire to, what are we telling them to counter that? And as I thought of that question, I considered what it was my parents did to raise four strong, confident-thinking daughters. I'm talking about empowerment to think for yourself and question the ideas that are thrown at you every day. In our culture, that's a lot of ideas; and  a lot of them are destructive. Satan doesn't want women to be strong. He has spent the history of the world keeping women from being in a place of intelligence. In some cultures it is physical - they are not allowed out of the house, or to be seen; they are secluded and repressed physically. In our culture, we do it to ourselves. We buy into this idea that we are not good enough - that, before we can be valid, we have to be sexy. We spend so much of our energy and time on our appearance, that there is little left for intellectual debate or growth. So, what can I do to counter the destructive ideas permeating much of the advertising and teaching in our culture? I can require my daughters to think for themselves. I can respect their well-thought-out opinions and ideas, even when they are different than my own. And I can hold them to a standard of intellect and thought that God designed them for.

Although I think I, as their mother, can have a powerful influence in the way I teach my daughters to think; I am certain that all daughters need to see themselves as intellectually valid in their father's eyes. For some reason, although I am extremely close to my Mom, and need her approval and love, I often find that I view myself the way I perceive my father views me. So, fathers, please have thoughtful, intelligent discussions with your daughters. Prove to them with actions that they are valid intellectual beings.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

failures and joys - motherhood

Thanks so much to my amazing, wise sister, Janelle, for sending me to www.thebettermom.com to warm my heart and make me cry tears of relief and thankfulness at the reminder that I am not called to be a perfect Mom, just a Mom.  Although my job as Mom to three fabulous daughters is important, I am not responsible for the results - only to do the best I can with what I know and have. The results belong to God - who loves my girls way more that I ever could. After reading this post, I am inspired to write my own 2 lists.

My teenage daughter hurts my feelings multiple times a day. You'd think I'd have thicker skin by now.

I would choose a nap over anything else, any day of the week.

Often leftovers sit in my fridge for weeks after they should be thrown in the composter - weeks!

I haven't actually reached the bottom of my dirty-laundry bin in months.

I have a lot of guilt about the times I lose my temper and yell at the girls - usually brought on by their bickering (yeah, and yelling is so much better than bickering).

I still, at this age, find myself wanting to sulk when things aren't going my way. Sometimes I do.

The good news: God gives good gifts. Only. I am trusting Him to make right the things that I keep messing up. Why would He do this for me? Many reasons: He loves to do things for me. He promises to give us the desires of our hearts when we trust Him. He loves my three girls - they are His.

And the amazing bits of goodness He gives right now?....

My daughters may bicker or give nasty looks, but they never throw temper tantrums. Ever.

The very best part of my week is reading The Secret Garden to Marcella and Laurie on Monday and Tuesday nights. I'm pretty sure it's the best part of their week too.

All the girls at work love it when Ashlin comes in to work on Saturdays. They really think she's a neat kid and an interesting human.

I am always confident that the girls will be respectful and polite when they are out with others - whether I'm there or not.

We often find our entire family laughing hysterically at the dinner table because any one of the girls said something funny. They all have a great sense of humor. And they are usually good at laughing at themselves.

Because the girls spend so much time on their own, they have learned to be really independant. They can make eggs, mashed potatoes, canned soups, and gravy-from-scratch.

I am grabbing on to the fruit of the spirit that I have access to: Love, come reign in my house; Joy, fill our hearts and minds; Peace, cast out the discord that tries to take over our days; Patience, cover me and fill me and pour out of me; Kindness, show up when we have lost sight of you; Goodness, flow out of our beings the way God designed us to be; Faithfulness, hold us accountable and keep us on track; Gentleness, be infused into our conversation every day; Self Control, be there when we come to the end of our natural ability to cope. Thanks to Corrie ten Boom for reminding me (in her book, Tramp for the Lord) that we have access to all of these through the Holy Spirit who indwells us - we need only to claim them!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

forgiveness

I've read so much about forgiveness. I know all the ins and outs of it. I love Corrie ten Boom's account of when she came face to face with one of the meanest prison guards from her time in the concentration camp - he asked for her forgiveness and she felt she just couldn't give it. But she knew it was important - she knew how Jesus had forgiven her, so she prayed, "I can physically stretch out my hand, God, but You will have to give me the forgiveness. I can will myself to make the beginning." And God did. She felt the forgiveness and love flow through her into the hand of the guard who had so cruelly treated so many. But when Colin and I had issues with our landlord at work, we really struggled with forgiveness. We really felt we were being taken advantage of and mistreated. We had every right to be angry and demand our rights. And yet, here he was telling us he thought WE were being unfair! Ridiculous! The lazy, good-for-nothing.... We struggled most of the morning. We had come to a comprimise with him and now we felt it was necessary for us to forgive him and remove these feelings of anger and discord that were filling our work-place. He wasn't there -we had only to contend with our own feelings and anger - yet we couldn't do it. No matter how we tried to smooth things in our own minds, we couldn't help but feel frustration at being "taken." It was mid-afternoon when I felt God whisper, "Make it physical. DO something to prove to yourself that you forgive him." I suggested to Colin that we phone him and forgive the entire amount of money in question - not just comprimise. Colin looked shocked. He had had the same thought, but worried I would berate him for being weak if he suggested it. (...oops, do I do that?) That was our confirmation. Colin wasted no time phoning our difficult landlord to inform him of our decision. He was truly appreciative and we were instantly able to see him as a fellow-human being, in need of kindness - instead of a greedy landlord, out to get us. I know it doesn't always work out this way, but it seemed like that night and the next were busier than usual - easily making up the money we forgave. I want to record this incident because I feel as though God has been teaching me lately about the importance of making things tangible. Loving and forgiving someone in your heart is alright, but turning that into a physical thing gives it reality. I want to remember this - to practice it so I won't forget.