Saturday, March 24, 2007

Depression

I do not pretend to be an expert on this subject. Not even remotely. But I have something to say because of a gift God gave me - a gift that I begged Him to take away at the time. It is the gift of experience. No, it was not pretty. After the birth of #2 (beautiful Marcella), it came - and it gave no relief. But now that I can see it in retrospect, it was indeed a gift. Strange gift, you might say. Anxiety, anger, paranoia, sadness... the list goes on. But, really, how else could I ever understand the realities of depression? And it is a condition that plagues many; way more that I ever knew. And I had this view of depression, "get over it, move on, just focus on something other than yourself." Wow, did I need education. And God gave it, oh, so graciously. During that time of depression and chaotic hormones, God drew me so close to Him. I didn't see it at the time, but I can surely see it now. I learned more about Him because I was forced to search for something to ease my torment. Without prompting, I am the type of person who just goes along in my life, happy as a clam - never needing to learn more. But God gave me a gift. He showed more than I ever knew I was missing. No, I'm not saying that God gave me the depression. But He did use it to give me understanding, compassion, and the strength that only comes with experience. So, finally, I am at the place where I can thank God for allowing me to experience the most difficult thing in my entire life. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."Jeremiah 29:11

3 comments:

jennypo said...

God has given me the best things in my adult life through pain. The stretching of minds and hearts can never be a comfortable process, but without it we remain small and empty and unable to receive the best gift God gives - himself.
It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I might learn thy statutes. (Psalm 119:67)

Anonymous said...

i love you, joey! :)

Kathleen said...

I thank God for you, you dear girl! You have taught me so much by your attitude to your struggles. It humbles me to think how much I could learn from you yet. If only I could be so gracious! God is so gracious and yet I struggle to allow Him to mould me into something useful for His glory. There are so many pieces of grit in my clay, the vessel keeps being marred. Maybe it is not to late yet for Him to make me again another vessel.