being a mom....losing my mind

Ok, I'm feeling like a total failure as a mom today. Ashlin (10) has transformed into the haughty-est of preteens. Usually, she is funny and quirky with only hints of "I'm-better-than-the-universe"ish-ness. But this morning....ahhhh, this morning. I've had 10 years to prepare for this, so how is it possible that I have NO idea how to react? My best reaction?...the BEST thing I could come up with?....the I-can-be-angrier-than-you attack. Fail. I recomposed myself and tried a better strategy. A hug with "I don't understand, but I love you." Seemed to work, but then...NO! I got the "I don't know why I don't just run away!" And I still have no idea what prompted these outbursts. They were all over little nothings - Laurie looked at her the wrong way. Ok, patience is totally not my strong point. And I'll admit I tend to use anger as a reset button when things are escalating with the kids. But how can you even reason with someone who is completely set on being contrary and irritable and, in short, holding the entire family hostage?? (No, I'm not refering to Colin, hee hee, although Ashlin IS a mini-Colin) Hey, maybe that's a key....How do I "manage" Colin? can I use the same tactics? No, seriously, I think this is not a time for tactics, but for me to learn and develop patience and incredibly humble honesty. You can parent young children while letting your own flaws slide, but when they get old enough to see through all that, you really just need to be honest with them and yourself. I am not perfect. I am not the commander-supreme anymore. It's a sad day. :) I can expect to be called on every inconsistancy in my life for the next (how long till Laurie's 20?) 14 years?? Ahhhhhh. Somebody help.