The young girl skipped along happily.Her crisp white dress shone in the sunlight.
The chirping of birds mixed with the rustling of leaves in the wind.
As she looked around, the girl admired the freshly cut lawns and beautiful gardens.
She stopped to wipe a scuff mark off her shoe, aware that it might marr her gorgeous surroundings.
"God has given me this beautiful day, this beautiful world," she thought. "I must take extra care to keep myself beautiful for Him."
She stooped and pulled a weed that had been growing along the walkway, pleased that she could do something to help keep God's creation beautiful.
As she walked on a little further, she noticed a pair of sunglasses lying in the grass.
She picked them up, looking around to find their owner. Since no one was nearby, she decided to try them on.
Suddenly, the world around her changed. Oh, the manicured lawns were still there, and the flowers, but she noticed her dress was covered in stains. She hadn't noticed the rusty garbage bins overflowing with filthy garbage. The bird that had been singing was hopping along the ground with a badly mangled wing. The rustling leaves were the few remaining on the dying gnarled trees. Ahead, she could see the walkway simply fell off into a deep ravine. There were one or two other girls with stained dresses trying to put up signs of warning ahead of the ravine, but they kept getting taken down by the others who were busy pulling weeds and mowing the beautiful lawns - none of them paying any attention to the chasm. The girl began to remove the awful glasses, but then, determinedly pushed them back on and ran to help the other girls with the signs, amazed that she had never before seen that she was in the midst of Satan's territory.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Limbo
Outside they are putting new siding on my house. It is very distracting to have people running past the windows and loud banging starting and stopping - mostly stopping: they are very slow! I just want them to be finished so I can clean up the mess and set up my backyard. I want to feel more separated from the world - safe inside my house. Right now it feels like a very thin wall between me and the windy, noisy, messy world. It is kind of the same feeling as when you are wearing an outfit that just isn't comfortable. Like a top that won't stay where it is supposed to, and you are constantly feeling exposed. I try to pretend they're not there, but my curtains aren't opaque, and the noise, the noise just comes in anyway. I am in limbo; just waiting until they are finished to tidy my world and put order back into my day.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
part 1
Peary breathes out a long cold breath of wonder.
It hangs heavy in the crisp, cold air.
Why has he not seen this before?
Beautiful snow-capped mountains, deep valleys.
A new land undiscovered? untouched by civilization?
Low provisions, a ship full of weary explorers - no time.
But beautiful Crockerland...what strange new peoples await?
The excitement fills his chest.
Back in America.
Lectures pleading for an expedition.
Who will uncover the mysteries of this new land?
MacMillan and Green head the conquest.
Inuit guides are secured.
A long difficult journey. Many dangers. Much personal pain.
Weary exporers, guided by locals trek across the ice.
"We must turn back," warn the guides.
Just a little further.
MacMillan enjoys the exhilaration of Peary's view so long ago.
Look at those mountains. Beautiful.
The destination will be reached before the sun goes down.
The guides shake their heads. They know something.
MacMillan fears they may be right.
He cannot come this far and not know for sure.
They press on.
Where are the mountains? the valleys?
Standing on an ice floe, surrounded by mist.
The Arctic is a cruel magician.
Defeated the expedition heads home. Its hopes and dreams dashed.
part 2
I sit in the field and gaze at the nature around me.
The field grass moves in perfect unison.
A bluejay mimics the hawk as she discovers food.
The bright, blue sky shines around the puffy clouds.
The gigantic trees sway in the breeze.
I must have a Creator. The Maker of this beautiful universe.
He seems but a mirage to me, but a tiny flame of hope is lit within me.
I try to go back to my everyday life.
The flame flickers and grows and refuses to go out.
I must know. How do I find Him?
I travel often back to where the flame was first ignited...searching.
I discover more and more beautiful intricacies in nature.
How could this be an accident?
A friend learns of my search. She says she knows Him.
She will be my guide.
I read from the Book and discover myself within the pages.
It is a long, difficult journey. The pain is powerful.
Am I full of such wickedness? Deep inside I know that I am.
Denying is not possible. I turn to my guide for help.
She shows me more in the Book. Who is this Jesus?
He is truly Divine. He is Love.
Hot tears cover my cheeks. Why are they killing Him?
"Father, forgive them. They know not what they do."
Truly, this is the Creator. The one for whom I have searched.
My wickedness laid on Him. I am free.
Here I discover no mirage. A solid Rock!
part 1
Peary breathes out a long cold breath of wonder.
It hangs heavy in the crisp, cold air.
Why has he not seen this before?
Beautiful snow-capped mountains, deep valleys.
A new land undiscovered? untouched by civilization?
Low provisions, a ship full of weary explorers - no time.
But beautiful Crockerland...what strange new peoples await?
The excitement fills his chest.
Back in America.
Lectures pleading for an expedition.
Who will uncover the mysteries of this new land?
MacMillan and Green head the conquest.
Inuit guides are secured.
A long difficult journey. Many dangers. Much personal pain.
Weary exporers, guided by locals trek across the ice.
"We must turn back," warn the guides.
Just a little further.
MacMillan enjoys the exhilaration of Peary's view so long ago.
Look at those mountains. Beautiful.
The destination will be reached before the sun goes down.
The guides shake their heads. They know something.
MacMillan fears they may be right.
He cannot come this far and not know for sure.
They press on.
Where are the mountains? the valleys?
Standing on an ice floe, surrounded by mist.
The Arctic is a cruel magician.
Defeated the expedition heads home. Its hopes and dreams dashed.
part 2
I sit in the field and gaze at the nature around me.
The field grass moves in perfect unison.
A bluejay mimics the hawk as she discovers food.
The bright, blue sky shines around the puffy clouds.
The gigantic trees sway in the breeze.
I must have a Creator. The Maker of this beautiful universe.
He seems but a mirage to me, but a tiny flame of hope is lit within me.
I try to go back to my everyday life.
The flame flickers and grows and refuses to go out.
I must know. How do I find Him?
I travel often back to where the flame was first ignited...searching.
I discover more and more beautiful intricacies in nature.
How could this be an accident?
A friend learns of my search. She says she knows Him.
She will be my guide.
I read from the Book and discover myself within the pages.
It is a long, difficult journey. The pain is powerful.
Am I full of such wickedness? Deep inside I know that I am.
Denying is not possible. I turn to my guide for help.
She shows me more in the Book. Who is this Jesus?
He is truly Divine. He is Love.
Hot tears cover my cheeks. Why are they killing Him?
"Father, forgive them. They know not what they do."
Truly, this is the Creator. The one for whom I have searched.
My wickedness laid on Him. I am free.
Here I discover no mirage. A solid Rock!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
the bluejay
This morning I saw a bluejay hopping through the bushes. It was cold and the wind was biting against my skin. How do these birds survive such cold winters? I find winter long and difficult even in my heated, comfortable house. I don't have to go scrounge for food when all is dead and covered by snow. And yet, I'm sure the bluejay doesn't struggle with stress or anxiety the way I do. There is certainly something to be said for fulfilling your God-given purpose. The bluejay is doing exactly what God created it to do. Just seeing its bright blue standing out against the drab post-winter background brought joy to me as I hurried home, covering my face against the wind. I'm not saying we should all just leave the comforts we have come to rely on, and live outside like the bluejay. I believe that God gave us the ability to create what we need to live comfortably in this climate. But, how often do I miss the reality that is all around me because I am driving somewhere plastic in my plastic car, eating plastic food, thinking about plastic things. My challenge is to live a real life - an authentic life - in this plastic world. Real life isn't as exciting, on the surface, as TV or even books, but it is fulfilling and deep.
Thank you, bluejay, for the much-needed lesson!
Thank you, bluejay, for the much-needed lesson!
Monday, January 7, 2008
forgiveness
I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness. What exactly is forgiveness? and why is it so hard to give? First of all, forgiveness is probably one of the most powerful concepts in the universe. It is not "being over something" and letting someone "off the hook". It is not easy or cheap. True forgiveness costs. In John 15:13, Jesus tells his disciples, "Greater love has no man than this: that a man lay down his life for his friend." I always thought this verse was referring to dying for a friend. It may actually mean that. But I think giving forgiveness when it really costs us is more difficult - laying down my life - what I want - my rights, truly shows great love! If I indulge my anger or my righteous indignation when I am wronged, and then go forgive my friend, is that truly forgiveness? It is certainly not costly. It is easy to say I have forgiven if I have punished first. But the power is lost. There is no power in false forgiveness.
When I forgive someone who has hurt me - particularly if I feel I would be justified in being angry - I take on the "cost" of that hurt. This means I am hurt twice - once by my friend, and once by choosing not to pass on the hurt. This is the cost of forgiveness. I must make the point here that there is a giant difference between forgiveness and trust. If I have been hurt by someone I trusted. I am able (and required) to forgive them, but I should not give back trust so easily. Trust must be earned. By not trusting them again immediately, I am not "holding a grudge" but simply protecting myself from future hurts.
I am trying to teach my daughters to forgive each other immediately when the get into a squabble - even before the other apologizes. An apology is not necessary for forgiveness. Forgiveness is necessary to keep me from becoming bitter and hateful. But I never require my daughters to give back trust. That is a different matter altogether.
God has given us the perfect example/pattern for forgiveness. First, we hurt God by sinning against him. Then, God was hurt again when he sent Jesus to suffer the consequence of our sin. Jesus is God, so he was baring the cost himself. God did not wait for us to apologize before forgiving us. He forgave first. Unfortunately, we cannot know or experience that forgiveness without knowing God. It would be the same if I forgave my friend, but then she refused to ever see me or visit me again. The forgiveness would be just as real on my end, but how would she ever know or experience the good of it unless she spent time with me? By doing so, she would be accepting my forgiveness.
There have been times when I have been hurt and I wasn't willing to forgive. I nursed my anger and righteous indignation until it was about to consume me. Anger does that - especially anger that is righteous. I mean, if I have been truly wronged. Once, when I was driving to work, a huge dump truck almost pulled into my lane without any signal when it was right beside me. I would have been demolished. It really, really scared me. Luckily, at the last second, the driver must have looked in his mirror, and he swerved back to his own lane. When I pulled ahead so I was at the front of the truck, still shaking from fear, the driver gave me a nasty look and a rude gesture! Me! I was doing nothing wrong! He almost killed me. Oh, the righteous anger. I think I yelled at three other cars on the rest of my drive to work. I was passing on the anger. I could feel God telling me to let it go. Forgiving that driver would do nothing for him, but it made a world of difference for me. It was an interesting lesson for me on how important it is to forgive immediately - for my own sake. I held on to that anger all the way across the bridge. And it was growing inside me; ballooning up in my chest and spilling out on all the other drivers on the road. And there are a lot of not-so-bright drivers in the city! But the anger was taking over my whole being. (and this is just a small example of my anger!) As soon as I said it aloud -right there in my van on the Bedford Highway - "I forgive you. I forgive you for scaring me and then acting like it was my fault." - I was released from the power of the fear and anger. When I said those words, the power of that anger was gone. I took what was left of my hurt and fear, and I chose to bare the cost of it and not pass it on. I chose to be free from the cycle.
Recently, I was presented with a hurt that was more difficult to forgive. It was not a huge thing, but it was difficult for me to forgive because a small amount of trust had been eaten away. I know that this trust will need to be built again, but the forgiveness has given me the freedom to start building.
I guess, the more I think I know about forgiveness, the more I realize I have yet to learn. I am just amazed by the power it holds - power to set me free. I need not be held captive by those who have hurt me. I can forgive them and be free from the power of their hurt. And by forgiving them, not give them back the power to hurt me again - that's trust - but remove the power of the past hurts.
So, if the driver of a really big dump truck, who almost crushed a grey mini-van on the circumferential highway in Dartmouth ever reads my blog: I forgive you!
When I forgive someone who has hurt me - particularly if I feel I would be justified in being angry - I take on the "cost" of that hurt. This means I am hurt twice - once by my friend, and once by choosing not to pass on the hurt. This is the cost of forgiveness. I must make the point here that there is a giant difference between forgiveness and trust. If I have been hurt by someone I trusted. I am able (and required) to forgive them, but I should not give back trust so easily. Trust must be earned. By not trusting them again immediately, I am not "holding a grudge" but simply protecting myself from future hurts.
I am trying to teach my daughters to forgive each other immediately when the get into a squabble - even before the other apologizes. An apology is not necessary for forgiveness. Forgiveness is necessary to keep me from becoming bitter and hateful. But I never require my daughters to give back trust. That is a different matter altogether.
God has given us the perfect example/pattern for forgiveness. First, we hurt God by sinning against him. Then, God was hurt again when he sent Jesus to suffer the consequence of our sin. Jesus is God, so he was baring the cost himself. God did not wait for us to apologize before forgiving us. He forgave first. Unfortunately, we cannot know or experience that forgiveness without knowing God. It would be the same if I forgave my friend, but then she refused to ever see me or visit me again. The forgiveness would be just as real on my end, but how would she ever know or experience the good of it unless she spent time with me? By doing so, she would be accepting my forgiveness.
There have been times when I have been hurt and I wasn't willing to forgive. I nursed my anger and righteous indignation until it was about to consume me. Anger does that - especially anger that is righteous. I mean, if I have been truly wronged. Once, when I was driving to work, a huge dump truck almost pulled into my lane without any signal when it was right beside me. I would have been demolished. It really, really scared me. Luckily, at the last second, the driver must have looked in his mirror, and he swerved back to his own lane. When I pulled ahead so I was at the front of the truck, still shaking from fear, the driver gave me a nasty look and a rude gesture! Me! I was doing nothing wrong! He almost killed me. Oh, the righteous anger. I think I yelled at three other cars on the rest of my drive to work. I was passing on the anger. I could feel God telling me to let it go. Forgiving that driver would do nothing for him, but it made a world of difference for me. It was an interesting lesson for me on how important it is to forgive immediately - for my own sake. I held on to that anger all the way across the bridge. And it was growing inside me; ballooning up in my chest and spilling out on all the other drivers on the road. And there are a lot of not-so-bright drivers in the city! But the anger was taking over my whole being. (and this is just a small example of my anger!) As soon as I said it aloud -right there in my van on the Bedford Highway - "I forgive you. I forgive you for scaring me and then acting like it was my fault." - I was released from the power of the fear and anger. When I said those words, the power of that anger was gone. I took what was left of my hurt and fear, and I chose to bare the cost of it and not pass it on. I chose to be free from the cycle.
Recently, I was presented with a hurt that was more difficult to forgive. It was not a huge thing, but it was difficult for me to forgive because a small amount of trust had been eaten away. I know that this trust will need to be built again, but the forgiveness has given me the freedom to start building.
I guess, the more I think I know about forgiveness, the more I realize I have yet to learn. I am just amazed by the power it holds - power to set me free. I need not be held captive by those who have hurt me. I can forgive them and be free from the power of their hurt. And by forgiving them, not give them back the power to hurt me again - that's trust - but remove the power of the past hurts.
So, if the driver of a really big dump truck, who almost crushed a grey mini-van on the circumferential highway in Dartmouth ever reads my blog: I forgive you!
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